


soft, set back and perfectly dropped

by cexies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cexies/pseuds/cexies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>written for the kinkmeme</p><p>[I just really want to see something where Karkat has a panic attack and Terezi trying to calm him down and comfort him. Trolls or humanstuck, it doesn't matter.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	soft, set back and perfectly dropped

The meteor was quickly becoming Karkat's least favorite place. He'd always thought nothing could be worse than the mutated lakes and swirls of his land, but at least there he hadn't any grievances over his responsibilities there. Compared to his position now, it was almost paradise. Trolls were never built to live so closely together, and spending every waking hour with eleven shitbags was never on the agenda. Sometimes they'd fall asleep and leave him in peace, the humming computers keeping him away from the regal lands they'd been promised in dreams. Spare moments were spent planning, plotting and scheming—wistful ideas that could never materialize. While his mind never wandered too far from the problems that plagued, his attention did flicker to other sources. Terezi was almost always to his left, tapping away at keys or drawing all over the desk. Most days she'd bounce between provoking himself and Sollux, trying to work out who would come up with a solution first under the pressure. Their conversations were some of the few he'd allow as a break, begrudgingly accepting that their time wasn't always another addition to the growing list of 'interruptions from the romantically challenged and socially insane'.

Everyone had left for Prospit and Derse over an hour ago—the only information gathering task that Karkat was forced to trust them with. While the thought of the ten of them alone always made his skin crawl in the most uncomfortable sense of foreboding, there was simply no other way around it. He just had to trust that they were capable of exploring civilly for six hours. On the other hand, Terezi didn't always sleep with the others, instead preferring to goad Karkat into more private issues. To his pride's disdain, most times he found himself giving into her whims and joining in with whatever plan she'd laid out. Sometimes it was teases of romantic pursuits that left him flushing with affection, but most times she just liked to talk. He hadn't accounted for how much isolation Terezi had lived through, and how she'd made up for that with her daily word count. What also surprised him was how often she talked about topics that interested him. He'd always assumed she would just talk at him, but there was a need for understanding that fuelled her discussions.

"Do you think we'll get another prize?"

"At this point, coming out with everyone's thinkpans intact is enough of a prize." Even without conventional vision, Terezi could still look at Karkat as if every span of skin was translucent, with unspoken understanding. Karkat's eyes faltered away from hers, feeling flustered by the notion. "Or maybe a hive as far away from civilization as possible so I never have to look at any of you again. The gift of a recluse will be my prize."

She cackled the most heinous laugh, legs swinging against the desk with the air of a wiggler. "Then I shall have my tree back! And I will draw murals across every surface: the limitations of creative materials will not deter me this time round."

"The fact you would still ruin perfectly good structures with your scribblings is today's mucus on the grubloaf. Congratulations Terezi, your repugnant disregard for taste is once again leaving me nauseous. Step this way so I can trip you over on your way to collect your prize."

"Collect?"

"Yeah you know," Karkat peered over his shoulder at her, waving a hand to accompany his explanation. "When we won the first time round I had to open the door. If it's like that again then you're going to have to collect it—which makes it easier to knock you and that damn cane over."

"Why me?"

"I thought I just made it perfectly clear why; because you're the most—"

"No: I got that part loud and clear," she interrupted, her head tilted in interest. "What I meant was why am I the one collecting it?"

"Well who else is going to collect it?" Karkat grunted, moving his attention back to the keyboard.

"I thought you were?"

"I'm sure you're capable of walking ten feet."

"That's it! Make the blind girl do all the work." Terezi huffed in mock hurt, and Karkat was already too sick of the blind mentions to put any effort into rolling his eyes. "Besides, if you remember correctly, I was demoted to second in command; the responsibility is all yours Mr. Leader."

"First of all: fuck you," Karkat drawled, finally spinning around his chair so he could lecture her properly. "Second of all: fuck you." His mouth opened to finalize his eloquent list, but failed at the first syllable. As much as he was sure Terezi had been joking, there was a truth to her words; it was his responsibility. Of all the careful planning and details Karkat had pored over, the finalization of their second win had never crossed his mind. He'd been too slow the first time, letting their race fall to damnation by his hand. Even the glimmer of another failure was too much, and the mock nausea from earlier quickly became a reality.

"Karkat?"

He flinched at her voice, stumbling over the conversation. His list was all but forgotten, head filled with his growing fears. If anyone were to die, it would be his fault—he walked everyone into demise. His own ignorance to savor the moment had stripped everyone of freedom. How many of the others had wistful hopes like Terezi's? Had his carelessness stripped them of those as well? He'd disappointed everyone; there wasn't any way that they didn't hold him in contempt. He didn't even blame them for it, he deserved it. He shouldn't have been their leader.

"Karkat, what's wrong?"

He tried to force his way through, concentrating on giving a reply instead of the pain in his throat. "I'm..." His voice cut itself off, suddenly realizing the pain was from a lack of air. Moving to greedily swallow some, Karkat ended up drowning in it instead. He flailed in panic as his breathing was choking him, unable to find the rhythm he'd always taken for granted. Terezi was instantly scrambling down from the desk to help him, and his instinct was to push away from her. She didn't deserve to deal with him; he had to get away where her sense of duty wasn't forcing her to stay. He only got as far as his own computer, back slamming against the side as he cornered himself.

"Whatever it is, it’s okay." He tried to protest against her, because nothing was okay. He was going to get everyone killed; last time they only survived because of Aradia. What if that was their only break? Next time Jack would appear and paint the floor with their bodies, mixing red to pink. He'd taint their blood in death too, a reflection of the way he'd handled everything while they were alive. No matter how he tried to verbalize this, the words caught with each breath he forgot to take. The less he breathed, the more dizziness seemed to increase over his body. The amount Karkat could feel was distorted, and the frenzy was only heightened by denying himself air. There was no control over his body. He was in immediate danger now, venerable with nowhere to run and another troll in the room. It didn't even register that he was panicking over Terezi; he just knew he would be culled if he didn't calm down. Heat was radiating off of him, meaning his blood was too. They'd know he was a mutant, and how quickly he had to be killed.

"Karkat. Listen." Terezi's voice was barely audible over Karkat's own struggle. His breathing quickened into rasps, trying to stand and move. His body couldn't function while he was suffocating it of air, and almost toppled over instead. However he didn't; something caught him instead and he clung to it for dear life, quietly pleading with every breath he could manage. Arms came up around his back and slowly pulled him down towards the floor, shielding his frame while Terezi's voice comforted him. "Don't force yourself; you have to breathe. It’s okay, just breathe."

Now reassured that he wasn't in as much danger as he'd assumed, Karkat tried to focus harder on breathing, ignoring the way his vascular system forced his hands to shake around the support of Terezi's undernourished frame. His mind still reeled with the fear of failure, but now there was a point to anchor him to. A steady palm travelled back and forth across the small of his back, and he gave into the feeling—timing his breath with each movement. Terezi quietly hummed next to him, pausing now and then to repeat that everything was okay. He was safe. Slowly, he began to allow himself to believe her, hands unfurling from her shirt so that it wasn't tight enough to hurt her anymore. With each timed breath, he could feel his circulation evening out again, and the panicked adrenaline began to seep away. While he wasn't terrified anymore, it had been replaced with exhaustion. All of the hours without sleep began piling up on top of his emotional outburst, draining any energy or emotions.

Karkat let his eyes flutter closed against Terezi's throat, her hand idly stroking the nape of his neck. There was embarrassment squirming around the back of his mind, he couldn't grasp it. Terezi was offering security that he wasn't sure he'd experienced before, and pulling away would've left him even more distressed than beforehand.

"Do you want to—?"

"No." He quickly interrupted, wanting anything but to talk about it. He wasn't even sure what had happened, or if trolls even had a word for it. For the most part, Karkat was worried that reflecting on it would cause some kind of relapse. It was easier just to listen to the ventilation on the computers, letting his breathing fall and rise with Terezi's. They remained that way for what felt like hours, with Terezi's fingers tracing patterns across every plain of skin she could find. Eventually, the inevitable drowsiness began to wash over, leaving the distinction between consciousness and sleep blurred. He teetered between the two, breathing growing even as he slumped further against the crook of Terezi's neck.

"I think its nap time for you," she finally spoke, prying Karkat away from her. While he couldn't deny that he was exhausted, sleeping was always the option for the weak. Surely he could run on willpower alone, because that's what a leader was supposed to do. He bristled at his own thoughts, shaken from his earlier panic. Before he could start spiraling again, Terezi was already lightly flicking his cheek. "Shush! I am not accepting protests today. I'll still be awake here to look after everything. I am sure falling asleep in my lap is going to much more compromising than your own respiteblock, so go sleep before you pass out and I'm forced to drub you awake again." While Terezi had a point, Karkat wasn't overly sure if he wanted to move just yet. His sensibilities were significantly weakened, leaving her logic unappealing compared to her warmth. She seemed to sense this and instead angled her head down to lightly kiss him. "Rest, Karkat."

His pulse twitched again, but this time for reasons he much preferred. It was time to accept that he had no option but to sleep, complying to Terezi's demands with defeated compliance. The two of them stood again, with Karkat muttering an embarrassed thanks. Even though he always liked to think that he and his mind were the leading force, it always seemed that the left side was strongest.

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't sure if this was supposed to be pale or red, so i put the 'left side=heart' references in, just in case there was preference.
> 
> also i have never had, nor have i ever witnessed anyone have, a panic attack, so i apologize if anything is inconsistent with reality. google is not always my friend :')


End file.
